steamed
tea
packet
heavy diner mug
blow on the surface, take a sip




My first fib and I made it very literal. But, its very much so in the moment too. I love drinking my green tea at night, I just continuously make more and more. But its replacing a worse habit so I'll accept. I haven't posted to One Deep Breath in so long, glad to be back.

sunday scribblings. puzzled.

I'm puzzled. Literally. My life is like a puzzle. And I don't mean a small puzzle, but an emormous one with thousands of pieces. My physical body being the main picture, much like the puzzle box cover, a guide to the completion of the whole.

When I pour the pieces of the puzzle out onto the table I see chaos, love, saddness, acheivement. The pieces are laid out all over the place when I let them fall from inside the box onto the surface that I am working with.

Some pieces are specific points in time. This puzzle piece represents one day when I was little, I stepped on red lipstick and didn't realize that I was smearing it through my carpet as I walked around playing pretend. And this puzzle piece, the first time I saw the Exorcist when I was 12, also my first real alcoholic beverage. What do we have here? The piece from the first time I had sex, just out of the age of 15, and the start of a rollercoastered "relationship" from hell. Oh! This piece is from my Pop-pop's 81st and last birthday party. He's smiling and has a party hat on and I have my arm around him with a Less Than Jake shirt on. I remember it so clearly. Haha, here's a puzzle piece from just last night. Lizzy and I were winding down from a party next door. I was wasted from an enormous mixture of beer, gin, and lots of wine and we decided to microwave some thai noodles that I had. I was too drunk to pay attention to the 3 step directions so we laughed so hard at nothing and poured hot sauces into the noodles.

There are countless amount of puzzle pieces in this puzzle. But this is me. My life, a huge puzzle. As far as putting it together, I wouldn't even know where to start. So instead, I'll just let the pieces find their own places.

Sunday scribbling: Anticipation

Anticipation, the wait, the excitement, wonderment of the unknown. My future, what will it bring? Will it be graduation, a career, a change? A new home, financial security, less care for my next sip of alcohol? I anticipate everything that I'm unsure of and the feeling is exhilarating. Will I meet a man, make a family, keep my indivuality, grow into who I want to be? I don't know and I don't want to know. I am anticipating every thought, both sides, inside out, anticipation. Take my bunny and move to a new city, meet new people, come home for the holidays? I don't want to leave the family I have at school and I anticipate the sadness from knowing this is the last semester spending every second with them. I anticipate the time that we will try our hardest to push time back a little further every hour, but knowing that all the fun is making time speed up. I anticipate job interviews and starting at the bottom again and finding trendy work clothes. I anticipate working with clay in my spare time and starting a running program and bar hopping on busy streets. I anticipate all that is unknown about my future and my future is so unknown, I feel so much anticipation.

Illustration Friday's topic was Mask. When I see people put on lots of makeup I think of it as a mask. Don't get me wrong, though, thats okay. I wear eye makeup when I have the time to put it on, its pretty and enhancing. So, I decided to draw a quick sketch (no longer than 8 minutes) of this girl, no one in particular, who is about to put mascara on.
I wish was more patient with drawing because then I would fix up all these mistakes that I am not happy with in this picture. But, I'm in a mistakes are okay kind of mood.

I fall asleep with my friends around me
Only place I know I feel safe
I'm going to call this home.
-Jimmy Eat World-

Mixed Media Memoirs theme was Looking Back. Perfect time for me to look at back on this past semester. College has been one of the best rides I've been on so far. It was really hard to pick out which pictures of the past few months to put into this piece but I like my choices.

I love: Peanut Butter and Shelly, Danielle, Oh-knee, Jenna, Lauren, Steve, Matt, Janelle, Lay-lay, Mawy, Colleen, Paul, Janal Cheese, the boys, the interior architects, the casts of Nip/Tuck and the Office, and everyone else that I get to spend my days with here up at school.

One Deep Breath's topic is "Close Up".
I made this collage from photos captured at my cousin Jen's wedding. Its one of my favorite collages that I've made because I really feel that looking close up to each persons eyes really shows different stories. All different ages are in this collage. Most, but not all, are my family. And just for a side reference, my eyes are the ones on the left second down.


Telling their own tales
Yet holding everything inside
Come up close and see

They're my family
Keep me on track,
make me laugh Always got my back

I get in trouble
I'm sad, I'm happy, I cry
They still got my back

Stories keep growing
Each day is even better
And they got my back

illustration friday's topic: thanksgiving.
"the Pour"

This is my first year that I can drink wine at the Thanksgiving table without feeling like my grandparents, who love to drink, are upset with me being underage. I love wine to death. I can't wait to drink. Overall, I have a lot to be thankful for. Going around the dinner table saying what we are thankful for usually turns into more of a creative joke for us. So, I can't quite say anything that I'm truely thankful for in that atmosphere. But looking back on this year, I'm thankful:
1. my dad sends me money so that i can build my portfolio
2. my mother survived her pain
3. my brother didnt die
4. the amazing memories that my friends have made with me

Its true, I dont want to be in the passenger's seat of my own life. So far, at the age of 21, I feel fortunate enough that I am at least on the correct highway and I am in fact the driver. Maybe thats because my life currently has no road closed signs, its the most open of the roads I'll drive on ever. I decide my direction and I don't really have anyone argueing. I'm not tied down to my home, to my major, to a husband. Yes, its an open road, but there are still street signs that I have to apply to my life in order to keep me safe and out of trouble.


Red Light - When bad things come my way, I need to stop and regroup myself. The intoxication habbits that I consume to a dangerous degree. When my friends start getting hurt by the comments I would never say, when I start lieing to my family, when I black out for a week and lose those memories forever. I have to find that red light, get myself back together, and then go.

Yellow Light - when decisions come my way I have to think about what I ultimately want and I have to go for it before its too late. Dating, be careful to not run into guys who have hurt you in the past and when that happens, dont let them make you stop. Graduate school, should I go right into it and have more financial debts to pay back or should I wait and see if I can find a job that will pay for me. I need to remember to keep caustion with the decision I make.
this is the side road that takes me down to where i live now
I love walking along it because there are rarely cars on it.
There is a beautiful view of the baseball feild.
There are deer all over. And a view of the highway.
Green Light - there is nothing stopping me from doing the things I want to do that will benefit my life. Its a matter of me making the effort. Get my next tattoo, roadtrip to Atlantic City to see the Bouncing Souls in December, graduate in May. Its okay to just go, live.


Following these rules of stop, caution, and go will help me get to where I want to be safely. They are there for everyone's own interpretation of street lights. The driver is the only one who can control following their signals. I will try my best to use them so that I can keep from being a passenger in my own life, I will always be the driver.
this is the side road that takes me down to where i live now
I love walking along it because there are rarely cars on it.
There is a beautiful view of the baseball feild.
There are deer all over. And a view of the highway.

this is the side road that takes me down to where i live now
I love walking along it because there are rarely cars on it.
There is a beautiful view of the baseball feild.
There are deer all over. And a view of the highway.

I didn't know which story of my life I should submit to One Deep Breath. I decided on this one because its a subject that I haven't faced in a sober manner, maybe ever. I'm over the situation but parts of me have changed due to it.

Here it goes...

Your guitar, your voice
Told me your secret stories
Called me babydoll

I was comfortable
You made me laugh and smile
You promised good times

You came Friday nights,
Your lunch breaks, your shows, your car
Kissed me when we left

Something felt different
This one night I had to drink
Avoiding your truth

Your hug was a lie
Your friend ruined it for you
Go home to your wife