Sippin Life Down

2007-02-26T17:08:00.000-08:00

steamed
tea
packet
heavy diner mug
blow on the surface, take a sip

My first fib and I made it very literal. But, its very much so in the moment too. I love drinking my green tea at night, I just continuously make more and more. But its replacing a worse habit so I'll accept. I haven't posted to One Deep Breath in so long, glad to be back.

2007-02-24T16:24:00.000-08:00

sunday scribblings. puzzled.

I'm puzzled. Literally. My life is like a puzzle. And I don't mean a small puzzle, but an emormous one with thousands of pieces. My physical body being the main picture, much like the puzzle box cover, a guide to the completion of the whole.

When I pour the pieces of the puzzle out onto the table I see chaos, love, saddness, acheivement. The pieces are laid out all over the place when I let them fall from inside the box onto the surface that I am working with.

Some pieces are specific points in time. This puzzle piece represents one day when I was little, I stepped on red lipstick and didn't realize that I was smearing it through my carpet as I walked around playing pretend. And this puzzle piece, the first time I saw the Exorcist when I was 12, also my first real alcoholic beverage. What do we have here? The piece from the first time I had sex, just out of the age of 15, and the start of a rollercoastered "relationship" from hell. Oh! This piece is from my Pop-pop's 81st and last birthday party. He's smiling and has a party hat on and I have my arm around him with a Less Than Jake shirt on. I remember it so clearly. Haha, here's a puzzle piece from just last night. Lizzy and I were winding down from a party next door. I was wasted from an enormous mixture of beer, gin, and lots of wine and we decided to microwave some thai noodles that I had. I was too drunk to pay attention to the 3 step directions so we laughed so hard at nothing and poured hot sauces into the noodles.

There are countless amount of puzzle pieces in this puzzle. But this is me. My life, a huge puzzle. As far as putting it together, I wouldn't even know where to start. So instead, I'll just let the pieces find their own places.

2006-12-18T20:28:00.000-08:00

Sunday scribbling: Anticipation

Anticipation, the wait, the excitement, wonderment of the unknown. My future, what will it bring? Will it be graduation, a career, a change? A new home, financial security, less care for my next sip of alcohol? I anticipate everything that I'm unsure of and the feeling is exhilarating. Will I meet a man, make a family, keep my indivuality, grow into who I want to be? I don't know and I don't want to know. I am anticipating every thought, both sides, inside out, anticipation. Take my bunny and move to a new city, meet new people, come home for the holidays? I don't want to leave the family I have at school and I anticipate the sadness from knowing this is the last semester spending every second with them. I anticipate the time that we will try our hardest to push time back a little further every hour, but knowing that all the fun is making time speed up. I anticipate job interviews and starting at the bottom again and finding trendy work clothes. I anticipate working with clay in my spare time and starting a running program and bar hopping on busy streets. I anticipate all that is unknown about my future and my future is so unknown, I feel so much anticipation.

2006-12-10T19:28:00.000-08:00

Illustration Friday's topic was Mask. When I see people put on lots of makeup I think of it as a mask. Don't get me wrong, though, thats okay. I wear eye makeup when I have the time to put it on, its pretty and enhancing. So, I decided to draw a quick sketch (no longer than 8 minutes) of this girl, no one in particular, who is about to put mascara on.
I wish was more patient with drawing because then I would fix up all these mistakes that I am not happy with in this picture. But, I'm in a mistakes are okay kind of mood.

2006-12-10T18:18:00.000-08:00

I fall asleep with my friends around me
Only place I know I feel safe
I'm going to call this home.
-Jimmy Eat World-

Mixed Media Memoirs theme was Looking Back. Perfect time for me to look at back on this past semester. College has been one of the best rides I've been on so far. It was really hard to pick out which pictures of the past few months to put into this piece but I like my choices.

I love: Peanut Butter and Shelly, Danielle, Oh-knee, Jenna, Lauren, Steve, Matt, Janelle, Lay-lay, Mawy, Colleen, Paul, Janal Cheese, the boys, the interior architects, the casts of Nip/Tuck and the Office, and everyone else that I get to spend my days with here up at school.

2006-12-10T16:46:00.000-08:00

One Deep Breath's topic is "Close Up".
I made this collage from photos captured at my cousin Jen's wedding. Its one of my favorite collages that I've made because I really feel that looking close up to each persons eyes really shows different stories. All different ages are in this collage. Most, but not all, are my family. And just for a side reference, my eyes are the ones on the left second down.

Telling their own tales
Yet holding everything inside
Come up close and see

2006-11-19T22:41:00.000-08:00

They're my family
Keep me on track,
make me laugh Always got my back

I get in trouble
I'm sad, I'm happy, I cry
They still got my back

Stories keep growing
Each day is even better
And they got my back

2006-11-19T17:12:00.000-08:00

illustration friday's topic: thanksgiving.
"the Pour"

This is my first year that I can drink wine at the Thanksgiving table without feeling like my grandparents, who love to drink, are upset with me being underage. I love wine to death. I can't wait to drink. Overall, I have a lot to be thankful for. Going around the dinner table saying what we are thankful for usually turns into more of a creative joke for us. So, I can't quite say anything that I'm truely thankful for in that atmosphere. But looking back on this year, I'm thankful:
1. my dad sends me money so that i can build my portfolio
2. my mother survived her pain
3. my brother didnt die
4. the amazing memories that my friends have made with me

2006-11-11T07:59:00.001-08:00

Its true, I dont want to be in the passenger's seat of my own life. So far, at the age of 21, I feel fortunate enough that I am at least on the correct highway and I am in fact the driver. Maybe thats because my life currently has no road closed signs, its the most open of the roads I'll drive on ever. I decide my direction and I don't really have anyone argueing. I'm not tied down to my home, to my major, to a husband. Yes, its an open road, but there are still street signs that I have to apply to my life in order to keep me safe and out of trouble.

Red Light - When bad things come my way, I need to stop and regroup myself. The intoxication habbits that I consume to a dangerous degree. When my friends start getting hurt by the comments I would never say, when I start lieing to my family, when I black out for a week and lose those memories forever. I have to find that red light, get myself back together, and then go.

Yellow Light - when decisions come my way I have to think about what I ultimately want and I have to go for it before its too late. Dating, be careful to not run into guys who have hurt you in the past and when that happens, dont let them make you stop. Graduate school, should I go right into it and have more financial debts to pay back or should I wait and see if I can find a job that will pay for me. I need to remember to keep caustion with the decision I make.
this is the side road that takes me down to where i live now
I love walking along it because there are rarely cars on it.
There is a beautiful view of the baseball feild.
There are deer all over. And a view of the highway.
Green Light - there is nothing stopping me from doing the things I want to do that will benefit my life. Its a matter of me making the effort. Get my next tattoo, roadtrip to Atlantic City to see the Bouncing Souls in December, graduate in May. Its okay to just go, live.

Following these rules of stop, caution, and go will help me get to where I want to be safely. They are there for everyone's own interpretation of street lights. The driver is the only one who can control following their signals. I will try my best to use them so that I can keep from being a passenger in my own life, I will always be the driver.
this is the side road that takes me down to where i live now
I love walking along it because there are rarely cars on it.
There is a beautiful view of the baseball feild.
There are deer all over. And a view of the highway.

this is the side road that takes me down to where i live now
I love walking along it because there are rarely cars on it.
There is a beautiful view of the baseball feild.
There are deer all over. And a view of the highway.

2006-11-10T10:33:00.000-08:00

I didn't know which story of my life I should submit to One Deep Breath. I decided on this one because its a subject that I haven't faced in a sober manner, maybe ever. I'm over the situation but parts of me have changed due to it.

Here it goes...

Your guitar, your voice
Told me your secret stories
Called me babydoll

I was comfortable
You made me laugh and smile
You promised good times

You came Friday nights,
Your lunch breaks, your shows, your car
Kissed me when we left

Something felt different
This one night I had to drink
Avoiding your truth

Your hug was a lie
Your friend ruined it for you
Go home to your wife

2006-11-05T19:50:00.000-08:00

This is about a 15 second technical pencil sketch of IF's theme of smoke. I'm surprised I never caught the addiction of cigarettes because my mother, father, and one of my brothers smoke. My closest friends know that I should have stopped drinking hours ago when they offer me a cigarette and I take it and smoke it with pride. The next day they ask me if I remember smoking a cigarette and I say "ew no way." I used to smoke other things a lot but thats calmed down a bit and now its just on occasion. The one and only reason that I wouldn't mind taking up smoking is that I love the socializing that goes on during smoke breaks. Its comforting to me. But, I don't ever see myself smoking so I'll just stick to second hand smoking. Great...

2006-11-01T20:53:00.000-08:00

So, you say it is morning. Prove it to me.
Is the sky getting lighter, the birds getting hungry? Have the construction workers blocked our driveway? Is Mom spritzing perfume and Dad ironing his shirt? Has Joe started brewing the coffee? Are the dogs waiting at the back door? Is the frost on the windows and the neighborhood houses black silhouettes? Is Maria begging for a ride to the bus? Are the infomercials playing on tv? And is Johns hair still a mess, his shirt backwards and rinkled? Has the milk already been spilt? Is nobody talking but the voice on the news? Then, yes, it is morning.

2006-09-30T23:36:00.001-07:00

Sunday Scribblings topic: Skin
____________________

Soft. Always soft

S u n k i s s e d
Tattooed, definitely tattooed
Babies have the best skin ever

Girls, try not to cover up
the skin on your face

There is never any need
treat it fairly let it touch

all except fire
Shake my right hand

And please please please
S h o w e r D a i l y

2006-09-30T22:39:00.000-07:00

One Deep Breath topic: Windows and Doors

Today rain drops raced
Down the window and I ran
Out the door to play

We went through a little rainstorm on the way to a fair yesterday. Yep, I took this picture through the car window. Thank god for camera phones, right?

2006-09-30T22:09:00.000-07:00

This is my Illustration Friday entry for the topic quiet. Basically, just a really fastly done guasche painting of what nature will look like in only a few weeks. It should be quiet and I think this looks little quiet despite the bright colors that scream loudly in the background. It also reminds me of halloween. I love Fall. "Leaves fall down around me
They're smashing off my face
Like orange and yellow lights
I've entered a new place.
I've walked these streets 1000 times before
I never saw them this way
A perfect end and a new beginning
Every step of the way.
Colors seems so much more true
My eyes my be on fire.
Each step's vibration stabs into my soul
A tornado of light surrounds me
Picks me up off my feet
The world is just a flicker of light
It can't hold me anymore."
-the Fall Song
The BOUNCING SOULS

2006-09-30T21:56:00.000-07:00

The general television in our apartment broke so we resorted to having a craft night. First, my roommate and I painted a little bit and then I decided to try making transparencies with scotch tape. I took parts from Khaled Hosseini's the Kite Runner and put them onto this little box that I am going to use to hold necklaces in, at for now until I find a better use for it.

Anyway, that particular book had some very powerful words in it and I couldn't help but pick out some good one and take them out of the book. Unfortunately, no one can borrow the book from me now that its missing words.

It was a fun technique and I'm definitely going to remember it in the future and try out using pictures and designs other than just text. I think it turned out pretty cool.

"A girl collapses on her bed writing words never read."

2006-09-03T14:07:00.000-07:00

Fortune Cookie Messege: I Miss You

I had gotten a fortune cookie at some point over this summer. It read, "I miss you". Its the only fortune cookie messege that I kept. Although I cant find it in this heap of all my things. It is either here in my college apartment or at home in my bedroom, I know that it is somewhere - I wouldn't throw it away. The idea of missing someone fascinates me. I am always missing someone or a group of people, always. Missing people doesn't go away. Right now, I miss my family, my pets, my movie nights. When I'm on break from school I miss my friends. When I am trying not to drink so much I miss alcohol. I miss my first love and I miss teenage years. I miss my friends from highschool and I miss the trouble we got into and the stories we built. Wherever I am, I always miss my grandparents maybe because I know they can't come back. And I wonder who misses me. My mother tells me she does every time we talk and sometimes I hear it from friends who I haven't seen in a long time. But, does anyone else miss me or anything about me? I know that I have been a bit depressed lately, does anyone miss the more upbeat and happy me? Everytime I look at that fortune cookie messege I automatically see visions of everyone that I miss and I just want to tell them "I miss you".

2006-09-02T14:29:00.000-07:00

Mixed Media Memoirs
My Hierarchy of Needs
4"x6"

This is pretty self explanatory.

Anyway, I'm starting a little scrapbook and using mixed media memoirs as the base of my inspirations and then I will just scan them into computer and them up on the blog and wala.

2006-08-27T06:32:00.000-07:00

Sunday Scribblings
Topic: Monsters

I have a lot of monsters under my bed. I mean they just keep piling in down there likes its a huge frat party. I know that I did not invite them there but I can't seem to get them out. You would think through all these years of new monsters joining in under my bed that they would eventually kick one out for more space. Nope. Can they even breathe down there? Do monsters breathe? I feel like they inhale my thoughts and exhale my mistakes.

Well anyway, I do get to meet these monsters before they go under my bed. I haven't found one monster that I truely liked yet. How come I can't decide which ones go under my bed and which ones dont. I mean, it is my bed!

I remember the first monster I met. I was about 12 years old. His name was Age. Funny name huh? Age told me, "the older you get the more you'll find that responsibility will start to become more important than imagination. I'll come out from under your bed when your childhood imagation comes back." I told him, "Don't worry about that, I have a lot of imagination left in me no matter what my age may be!" Needless to say, he's still under my bed.

Only a couple years later I met a monster by the name of Boozer. I couldn't pronounce his name, but he told me that he and I would be faced most often. "You're going to hate me but you wont even know until you've hit rock bottom", he said.
I told him, "No way, I'm only 14 why would I need to drink?"
"Yeah, kid, well you also met the Age monster too soon. What can ya do, people just do things too soon these days. Now, I'm going under your bed and I'm not coming out until you realize that you don't need me by your side to fight with every night." Boozer is still under my bed and he makes the most noise.

After that, the monsters began piling in. Most them were reflections of boys that I met who have hurt me. Sometimes they came in two's and three's. I met the monster Tom who played soccer and sang to me, the cops took him away and locked him up... under my bed. He's still there but I try not to think about him. Patrick the monster faught with me, yelled at me for hours, screamed at me for allowing all those other monsters in. I had to push him under my bed just to shut him up and, of course, he is still there. Esmo the monster was the most bothersome monster. He was the only one that was rejected of going under my bed but he kept coming back. Finally, he was welcome under the bed and he sure as hell is still there too.

More and more monsters were coming in every night. They make so much noise under my bed, it sounds like party down there. They must hate eachother. I wonder how I can get down there and I wonder how I can kick them out for a good night's sleep.

2006-08-23T11:41:00.000-07:00

Outsiders Art Club
Topic: Phobias
"Failure Sketch"

I have a fear of getting possessed by an evil spirit. I run out of the kitchen when I know the toaster is about to pop. And I'll avoid a room for an entire day when I see a spider. But, I wouldn't call these phobias. I don't know that I actually have any phobias. One thing that has been a concern of mine lately, as I approach graduating from an expensive private college in May, is failure.

What if I end up not getting a good job? What if I can't pay back my student loans? What if I end up a poor, lonely girl sitting in an alley with just enough change in my front hoodie pocket to get my next 40oz? As much as I am pretty sure this will not happen to me, I can't help but wonder and grow concern. Now is the time make the decisions I need to make in order to avoid such a position.

2006-08-22T13:11:00.000-07:00

On tour with his band

Breaks to play music with her

She inspires him...

One Deep Breath's haiku topic for this week is music. I found this picture of husband and wife couple, Shanti and Greg (Bouncing Souls), in Shanti's music myspace. At a lot of his shows, at least the ones I go to, and I try to go whenever they are in town, he is always thanking "his beautiful wife Shanti" for either being there or inspiring some of his music or helping him out, etc. Shanti plays music of her own. I love this picture of them playing piano together and the haiku that I wrote just relates to what I feel is going on in this picture.

2006-08-22T09:19:00.000-07:00

Self Portrait Friday
Topic: Enclosed Spaces
Work Work Work

Plotting technical difficulties. Having conversations with the computer in Autocad command language. Falling asleep on foamcore board pillows. Deadlines and prisma marker highs. All of these are a part of the Architecture student's Studio All Nighter drama.

School starts in a week. The first week is usually laid back but, after we get settled in the work seems to change the meaning of life. This picture shows me stuck in some of my projects as the workload begins to pile up.

2006-08-22T06:48:00.000-07:00

This was my first piece for Mixed Media Memoirs. The topic is I Know so I just picked out a few things that I know. If you click on this picture it should show up more clearly. When I make a scrapbook piece I usually use scraps from my Interior Design material samples. For example, the background of this one is a wallcover that was a collage of eyes. Bamboo is the top and bottom border.

2006-08-20T07:04:00.000-07:00

SUNDAY SCRIBBLINGS
LIVE OF PETS
PETE PIES MY BUNNY

He came home from the petshop
With me and one of my college roommates
This happened one random day last fall
I began to take full care of his dirty work
And the other roommates just liked to play
But he only lived in the dorm room with us
For about a week and a half
Which is longer than I thought
The rules clearly state "NO PETS, JUST FISH"
Then I moved him into a friends' apartment where he was
spoiled with love, constant attention, toys and his very own room.
So many people played with him and grew up to take so well to humans
No biting or scratching but he loves to dance around us and get pets
Its good that he has such huge ears
because rabbits express emotions with their ears
I've learned so much about rabbits in the past year
They're so much smarter than most people give them credit for
Pete has had such a fun life so far
And he's almost a year old, he's grown up so fast
We leave to go back to school in a week
And he'll see his friends that he misses so much
Wish us luck that he wont get caught in my new apartment
I know the rules clearly state "NO PETS, JUST FISH"
But, I already cant imagine life without him

For this week's Sunday Scribblings I must have rewritten it 4 times and each time my computer shut down. Very frustrating. Maybe next week's topic should be how much computers can be a waste of time. Well I had to write this week's topic out so fast so I just kept writing what came to my head next. Pete's such a great rabbit.

2006-08-18T06:20:00.000-07:00

"Coffee Haiku"
My morning coffee...

Heart racing as it may be

Makes me act crazy

This was my first haiku for One Deep Breath. The theme was coffee and of course its the morning and thats exactly what I'm drinking. I can't write poetry and be serious about it but I was thinking of adding some poetry blogs into my new addictions because words are important to me and poetry is another form of expression so why not. Although I am worse than your average kindergardener when it comes to poetry, its still personally fun to me as long as I'm not taking it too seriously. When I get serious when I'm writing poetry I think too into it and it comes out terrible.

2006-08-14T10:48:00.000-07:00

Inspire Me Thursday
Open Challenge
"Mixture of Past Ideas"

I was watching a marathon of Miami Ink last night and it inspired me to try out a tattoo drawing today. I've had a few ideas for tattooes of my own and in this week's challenge I decided I would see about putting them onto paper. Instead of drawing them out seperately I decided to put all my ideas into one drawing.

The butterfly...
"Butterflies are passive agressive and put their problems on the shelf. But they're so beautiful." - Ben Kweller

The anchor in heart...
"Anchors are aweigh my friends, we're blowin in the wind." - Bouncing Souls

The roses...
Beautiful flower with thorns that can make the skin bleed.

The turtle...
Was close with a pet turtle who was a stress reliever during my pop-pop's long dieing process and he went with my Nana on the same day as her death only weeks later.

The swirls...
My life the past couple years: crazy, twisted, dizzy.

I'm not saying that I am going to get this as a tattoo, but who knows maybe one day. Here is the original though. I wasn't sure which version to show so I'll just throw this one in since its got the real coloring and all.

2006-08-14T05:27:00.000-07:00

Sunday Scribblings
Topic: What I Could Still Be

Sunday has passed but I'm new to this blogging thing. Its becoming a new thing to look forward to and a way to make sure I stay within my creative side of the brain. Studying Interior Architecture and Design the past few years has forced me to jump back and forth from left side to right side and in the middle. Graduating from college this spring and learning how to stand on my own two feet for the first time is going to be pretty scary for me. While learning how to survive independantly I want to make sure that I can still be the artist that I am, the companion that I can be, and the learner I will always be. This leads me pefectly into this week's Sunday Scribblings topic, What Could I Still Be...

I can still be an artist.
I can still be myself: a carefree, creative artist, even when I have to be a business woman in a competetive, innovative feild. Architecture may deal with codes, restrictions, other people's needs that they want and other people's needs that they might not even know they need. However, art, as a whole, has no boundries and encourages one to sink deeper into the medium and away from the world. Allows them to hide, disappear, discover, and come back with something new. Art forces you to get that insane side that everyone possess and express it to yourself and anyone you share it with. To go on a temporary vacation and show more than just pictures, show feelings and thoughts and visual emotions. I can still be the artist I always wanted to be without getting too sucked into my occupation.

I can still be a companion of all kinds.
I'll find Mr. Right someday. In fact, as soon as I'm more comfortable in my own skin, I'll start on a more extensive search to find him and maybe he'll be the one to find me. He wont take away who I am and he'll learn from me while I learn from him. I'll be a good friend, near or far, I'll make sure that my friends are in a good place, on the right track, and if they fall I'll give them my hand. I'll be a loving daughter to my mother and father who gave me everything from the cash I haven't earned, to the knowledge not taught in school. I'll be a mother to a child of mine own, to an adopted child, or to a pet. Whatever the case may be, someone innocent will count on me for a healthy survival. A business partner, collaborating my ideas with others into blueprint to renovate and restore ruins, to keep the beauty of a building whether it is physically present or taken away with the storm of nature or the storm of time.

I can still be a learner.
Just because graduation is less than a year away does not mean I'm finished learning. To continue trying new things means to keep living. So far, my list of after school learning is extensive but it will keep me from dulling out in life. Here are some things I'll continue to learn someday: glassblowing, ballroom dancing, Japanese language, bonfires, the endurance of running miles, jewelry making. Exploring through traveling or reading, jotting down these experiences, scrapbooking to look back on them and forward to more, sharing them with others.

An artist, a companion, and a learner. Three things that are more important to me than anything else and three things that I could still be now and later.

2006-08-13T15:26:00.000-07:00

Portrait of a Middle Brother
Charcoal and vine on bristol
14"x17 ", July 04
Inspiration: an article from Spin Magazine

I did this drawing a while ago (maybe two years ago) and used it in a collage once. So, it was just sitting in this computer and I decided I'd throw it in here. I'm not going to point out the parts of it that I dislike or feel are messed up because it was embedded into my head by Maria MacDonald to never talk about mistakes.

And, of course, it doesn't come out clear once it gets scanned into the computer but at least there is a concept of the detail.

2006-08-09T14:39:00.000-07:00

Inspire Me Thursday
Black and White
"An X-Ray"

This is my first time submitting anything to Inspire Me Thursday. After checking out other art I decided it would be fun to start joining in. I found my inspiration while looking at the black and white screen of my ultra sound today at the hospital. Although I did not get a copy of my insides (that sounds weird), I did manage to come home and search through old x-rays. Much to my surprise I found what I was looking for, a hand.

I wanted to use an x-ray of a hand because I wanted to express the idea that the heart and the hands work together in making a piece of art. I put a sketched heart where the screw was in the hand.

I wanted to use sketchy writing to express that I don't think art has to be crisp and and clean if that particular project isn't meant to be that way.
Technique: Of course, I didn't write directly on the x-ray. I used my light board, put the writing under the x-ray, took a picture with my phone, finished it off in paint.